Long, Slow Surrender Read online

  Connor shook his head mutinously, as stubborn as Theodore at times.

  “He’ll never forgive me.”

  “In a few years, he’ll thank you.” She was completely wrong for Theodore; they’d bore each other to tears. “Imagine this. We’re on a double date. I have a veritable cornucopia of friends and colleagues who would enjoy the company of a prominent dentist. We’ll go to dinner and Theodore acts rather dejected. She asks what’s wrong. He tells her he’s been betrayed by his older brother and that his one true love is no longer true. He would love it!”

  Connor dark brows arched upward. Oh, he had such a great face. All lines and angles and a nose that he’d broken, not once, but twice. How could a woman not lust after a guy who’d actually broken his nose? There, she was getting herself distracted again. She got back to the subject at hand.

  “Okay, so maybe I’m overstating things a bit, but you must admit, it has certain dramatic flair that Theodore would enjoy wallowing in for a while.”

  “I don’t know.”

  At last, progress. He was beginning to waver.

  “Connor, I’m not going to break down after all this time and suddenly fall in love with Theodore. It’s time for everyone to stop pretending that my future is preordained as Mrs. Theodore Sakuma.”

  She stared at her hands, ten perfectly polished fingernails. What she would do to not worry about how her hands, hair and clothes looked.

  “Theodore will never fall for this ruse. We have nothing in common. Hell, I haven’t seen you in years before tonight.”

  “Theodore doesn’t know that and, besides, we spent our most of our childhood years together. That counts for something.”

  “Growing up in the same neighborhood does not count as the basis for a relationship.”

  “Opposites attract.”

  “You’re not my type. Theodore does know that.”

  Ah, he’d overcome the emotional issues and was now moving to the logical. She had prepared her arguments for both.

  “As it stands now, you’re right. But I think it’s time to live a little. Let my hair down, metaphorically speaking, of course.”

  He drummed his fingers on the table and she studied his rough, callused hands, imagining what it would be like to feel their touch. The tremors began again. Connor was the sort of guy who inspired tremors, and fantasies. Wild, wanton fantasies that involved heated strokes and passionate kisses. Well, today, she was going after her fantasy.

  “Connor, in the long run, this is the best thing for him. This can’t be healthy. He should be married, populating the world with little Theodores that he can train in his likeness. I’m not the woman for him.”

  “I don’t know. I think you both are perfect for each other.”

  That’s what everyone else said, too. Frankly, she’d grown tired of it. “Then you don’t know me.”

  “Guess not.” He tilted his head to the side, studying her, and she wished he could see more inside her than just the façade. “Not going to do it, Michelle. I won’t hurt Theodore.”

  “Connor, you’re doing him more harm letting him waste his prime dating years stuck on me.”

  “It’s wrong.”

  “Connor, Theodore is thirty-two. How many dates has he been on?”

  Connor thought for a moment. “A handful, I think.”

  “How many girlfriends?”

  “Besides you?”

  She dug her nails into her palms, wanting to scream. Somehow, she managed not to. “I have never been his girlfriend.”

  Still, a few people looked in their direction.

  “Then, none.”

  She lowered her voice. “Connor, Theodore is probably still a virgin.”

  Connor coughed. “Uh, no. There was this…” He cut himself off and cleared his throat. “But that was a long time ago and it’s none of my business.” He took a sip of wine. “I’m not going to do it. There’s got to be a better way.”

  There is no other way.

  “Fine. Name it. You give me some ideas of how I can get your brother to move on with his life, and I’ll forget all about my idea. One. Just one little thing I can do.”

  Connor took another sip of his wine, stared at Theodore shaking hands across the room, and sighed in defeat. “Pretend dating, huh?”

  Finally. “More than dating. He’s got to be convinced it’s real, passionate, something that will make him think he doesn’t have a chance. A sultry affair.” She loved the way the words sounded, coming out of her mouth.

  He turned pale. “Sultry?”

  She nodded. “Sultry.”

  Awareness flared in his eyes and all that exotic fire shot in her direction. She struggled to breathe.

  He smiled. “Sweetheart, I don’t think you can do sultry.”

  “Is that a wager?” she managed.

  As quickly as it came, the fire was gone. He was back to looking at her like everyone did. Theodore’s girl.

  “You think this plan of yours will really work?”

  “I’m willing to bet on it, aren’t I?” She held out her hand across the table, waiting. “Are you in?”

  He stared for a long moment, and her heart began to pound. He had never touched her, in all the years she’d known him, never once. She had imagined, dreamed, fantasized, and now she was going to discover how his skin felt against her own. He wrapped one rough, calloused palm over her silky smooth hand and the tremors started in earnest.

  “I’m not going to hurt my brother,” he stated, his voice sounding far away because he was still touching her, and her entire nervous system was threatening to explode.

  She swallowed. “I don’t want to hurt him either, but I’m not about to marry him just because I think he’s a nice guy.”

  He stayed silent for a moment, and then dropped her hand. “I’m not going to rub his nose in this.”

  Under the table, where he couldn’t see, her fingers traced the spot where Connor had touched her. “Rub his nose in it? You saw him. He doesn’t even believe it. Yet.”

  “So, what do we do?”

  “Well…” She pretended to think about it for a moment. “We go out on a few dates. Maybe he could catch me over at your place a few times… What does Theodore usually know about the women you—date?”

  Connor smiled, satisfied and smug, obviously recalling past—dates. Michelle wanted to smack him. Not jealous, not jealous, not jealous.

  Thankfully, she saw Theodore heading back, arrogant and harmless. Why couldn’t Theodore be a jerk? It would make things so much easier. Instead, he was like a full-grown puppy dog.

  She exhaled softly. “Look, Theodore is coming back. Tonight we’ll ease into this thing and just see what happens. Maybe it’ll be easier than you think.” Michelle doubted it, but miracles could happen.

  Connor shook his head. “If he gets extra weird, I’m bailing, Michelle. I can’t see how this can be a good thing.”

  At last. Acceptance. “Okay, okay. Just let me do the talking.”

  He spread his hands wide. “You’re the executive planner of all this.”

  Oh, heck, this was going to be harder than she thought. “Enough with the wisecracks. Remember, we’re supposed to crave each other.”

  Connor just laughed, obviously thinking such an idea was unbelievable.

  Just you wait, Connor. Just you wait.

  * * * *

  When Theodore returned, he looked calm as ever. Which could only be a good thing, Connor thought. Somebody needed to be calm. Connor sure as hell wasn’t. Maniacal was the actual word that flashed in his mind.

  With surgical precision, Theodore placed his napkin in his lap, a graceful gesture that was clearly for their benefit. First, Theodore looked at Michelle and then back to Connor. “Well?”

  Michelle began first. “As I said—”

  Theodore held up his hand. “No. I want to hear what Connor has to say.”

  Damn.

  Connor had never been prepared at school, which was why he’d been exiled i
nto public school, and he definitely couldn’t win at debate with his brother. He kept it simple. “She’s right.”

  Theodore leaned forward and Connor got that awful spider-in-the web feeling. “Connor, are you really in love with Michelle, or are you just after a temporary diversion that is several plateaus above your standards?”

  What was he supposed to say? Theodore was his brother. He stalled, not quite ready to commit himself yet. “Theo, if I was in love with Michelle, what would you do?”

  Theodore took a sip of water. “And she was in love with you?”

  Connor nodded.

  Theodore stroked his chin. “If the two of you were truly in love, I wouldn’t interfere.”

  Michelle shot Connor her female “told-you-so” look.

  “However,” Theodore continued, “I fully expect this little walk on the dark side to run its course after a short time. A very short time.”

  Theodore lifted his glass and swirled the wine, but Connor wasn’t fooled. This was serious to Theodore.

  “Are you in love with her, Connor?”

  He didn’t like being dishonest with his brother. There were better ways of dodging the truth, but maybe Michelle had it right after all. Connor touched Theodore’s glass with his own and nodded.

  Instead of sadness, Theodore’s smile was full of that same smug confidence that had gotten him accepted into St. Christopher’s and a scholarship to Stanford. “Then may the best man win.”

  Connor closed his eyes and sunk into his seat. No way. Why hadn’t he seen this coming? He was not going to enter some insane competition with his brother. When it came to Theodore, Connor always lost.

  Michelle poked him with her sharp finger under the table and he shot her a dirty look. He didn’t deserve that. But he’d gotten himself in too far. She’d sucked him right into her ridiculous, harebrained scheme, so he just smiled faintly. “Sure.”

  This was such a bad idea.

  Chapter Two

  It had only been three days. Michelle traced the petals of the flowers with her finger. Lilies, of all things. She glanced about her office, for the first time hating the mother of pearl modern decor that she, herself, had pick out two years ago. Beige art deco chairs, an uncluttered glass desk, and unadorned soft white walls. She had always like white and neutral colors paired together. Her office was clean, pure, and now, unfortunately, her office was more like a sterile research laboratory. Detached.

  Mentally, she gathered her courage, lifted the receiver and dialed Theodore’s number. She followed the voicemail instructions when he didn’t answer, leaving a message as she made notes on how she would redecorate her office.

  A few minutes later, Julia, the latest temporary employee, walked in, wearing red polka dot sunglasses. Temporary administrative assistants were usually invisible beings that flitted around the office not wanting to be noticed at all. Julia was different. She was a perpetual tourist trapped in the body of a temp.

  “Dr. Sakuma for you, Ms. Lewis.” She lifted her shades. “Should I tell him you’re not available?”

  “No. Thanks, Julia.”

  “You’re welcome, boss.”

  Julia left Michelle alone with the blinking phone line.

  Michelle looked at the flashing light and then picked up the phone. Giving Theodore the reality check he needed had never come easy to her. Perhaps he had sensed that. Whatever the reason, Michelle still hated discussing it. One day. Hopefully soon.

  “Theodore?”

  “Yes? You called?”

  “Why did you send me flowers?”

  “Did Connor send you flowers as well?”

  Michelle exhaled heavily into the mouthpiece, making sure he heard it. “No.”

  “Well, you definitely deserve them, and the man in your life should have no problem sending them.”

  “Theodore, I told you. I want Connor.”

  Saying the words gave her a wicked thrill. She’d been unable to say them for so long. But desire for Connor was beginning to feel very overwhelming. As usual, Theodore didn’t pay any attention to what she said.

  “I’ve been offered two tickets to a play tonight.”

  “I already have a date.”

  “With Connor?”

  “No, with Ryan. Of course with Connor.”

  Theodore ignored her snide remark. “Where’s he taking you? I hope someplace that offers a great dining environment. Have you tried that new Italian place? Michelangelo’s?”

  “Our plans are to stay in tonight.” She followed the statement with a drawn out silence, hoping that he’d think that she and Connor would be participating in wild, animalistic sex. Probably not yet, though. It was too soon. But when? Theodore inhaled sharply. He got the point but she continued on anyway. “I think we are going to watch a movie and order take-out.”

  “How substandard. I’m sure if Connor could afford better, he’d actually take you out.”

  “Don’t be such a snob, Theodore. I would never date a man solely for his wealth.”

  “I’m sorry, Michelle. I didn’t mean to imply that you would. Not that I think the war is over, not by any stretch of the imagination. I have not yet begun to fight.”

  That’s what she was afraid of. “Theodore?”

  “Yes?”

  “I have a briefing to go to. I’ll talk to you later. Oh, and I would appreciate it if you could respect the relationship I have with Connor and not send any more flowers.” She hung up the phone before he could reply and immediately dialed the number to the restaurant Connor worked. “Connor Sakuma, please.”

  In the background, she heard the sound of pots and pans banging, a muted pounding, and the murmur of voices. Finally, Connor picked up.

  “Sakuma speaking.”

  “Connor? It’s Michelle.”

  “What’s up?”

  “I told Theodore we were watching a movie tonight.”

  “Okay? Do you need me to call him and tell him the same thing? If so, it will have to wait. We are preparing for the lunch rush.”

  She gritted her teeth. “No. We just need to watch the movie at your place.”

  “No can do, Michelle. I have a date tonight.”

  “A date? You’re dating someone?”

  “Um, yes.”

  “Are you serious about her?” Nervously, she twisted the barrel of her ballpoint pen back and forth.

  “How do you define serious?”

  “Now is not the time, Connor. How long have you known this woman?”

  “I met her two weeks ago.”

  “Connor! What do you think your brother will do when he finds out? He’ll think you’re being unfaithful!”

  “He won’t ever find out.”

  “Connor!” She picked up her pen, jotted down some information on her notepad, and then crossed it out again. “You want this plan to work, right?”

  The noise level in the kitchen rose. “It’s not going to work.”

  “It won’t work unless you believe it will, and you agree not to see anyone else while this plan is in place. Celibacy is a must.”

  “You didn’t tell me this was a requirement last night.”

  She remained silent.

  “You’re killing me, Michelle.”

  “Connor, going without sex will not kill you.”

  “But it can make me very unpleasant.” Thankfully, he acquiesced soon enough. “All right. I suppose Erica will understand.”

  Erica? Trust Connor to be interested in a woman named Erica. “For the entire time, Connor. Be prepared, it might take some time for this to work.”

  “How much time?”

  “I don’t know. Days. Weeks. Months.”

  “Months? Are you serious?” There was a pause, and then his voice dropped. “Look, I can keep everything hidden. Theodore will never know.”

  “Connor.”

  “I’m not a priest. I’m not even a priest wannabe. I don’t do celibacy.”

  “Connor. He sent me flowers today. Flowers!”

&nb
sp; To antagonize her further, he laughed. “Okay, okay, I’ll concede. Have you no idea the great sacrifice you are asking of me?”

  She knew exactly what she was asking. Hopefully, they could all fumble through this and live happily ever after. Right now, she just wanted to concentrate on one day at a time and getting Connor in her bed. “It’s for a worthy cause.” After all, she didn’t want Connor to turn into a sexually frustrated man.

  “Right,” he said, sarcasm blatantly obvious.

  “See you tonight, Connor. I’ll pick up a movie.”

  He sighed like he was already regretting agreeing to tonight’s plan. “Yeah. See you then.”

  * * * *

  That evening, she brought the movie she’d promised and wore her most form-fitting jeans. If he noticed the outfit she’d carefully picked out, he hid it well. Connor’s apartment was almost as she’d pictured it. There was one overstuffed couch, a leather chair, and a coffee table that had never seen a coaster in its carefree existence. No IKEA here.

  She thought of her own pristine, neutral-tone-colored loft and sank happily onto the folded cushions. This is what she wanted to know more about. How to have a relaxed like and not feel guilty about it.

  “Want something to drink?”

  He had a beer in one hand and his shirt hung halfway unbuttoned, as if he had just shrugged into it and done up a few buttons for modesty.

  “Water is fine.”

  When he returned with the drink, she took it and handed him the DVD, secretly studying the chest that he exposed so casually. He was strong, she knew that; he was all muscle, slender and lean, but not bulky. Bottled energy. When Connor walked, he radiated that energy. She craved that energy.

  He looked at the DVD, a torrid film that she thought would be perfect. The most scorching movie she could find that wasn’t porn.

  “You’re not going to make celibacy easy, are you?”

  She brushed a stray strand of her hair back and smiled. “Just for a little while. Surely it won’t kill you.”

  If she had her way, it’d only be a few weeks. Maybe days. She glanced at her watch. Maybe before tonight was over.

  Connor sank into the big leather chair across from her. For the first time, he seemed to completely relax. She laughed aloud.